Dear Natalie, I wanted to tell you that I enjoyed your web site very much. Your story of struggling with your weight in many ways parallels mine. I was an overweight child who grew into an overweight adult, and I am just recently within the last 10 years finally, albeit slowly...coming to grips with the reality and acceptance of living in a 'plus size' body. One of the hardest things I still struggle with is the fact that I cannot go 'cold turkey' against food; therefore I must find peace with it... That being said, I wonder how to cope with the fact that to this day, food is first and foremost on my mind most days... what will I eat, when will I eat, and will I be able to resist the old voices in my head that try tell me that 2 pieces of cheesecake can't possibly do THAT much more harm than one... There were many times in my life where I wished I didn't have to eat at all. It's a miracle I didn't end up with an eating disorder but somehow I didn't. More often than not, I still find that almost every other activity in my life revolves around what and when I'll eat. It's exhausting mentally. How do you keep thoughts of food from consuming you and stay positive with something (weight loss, healthy eating etc.) that provides very little, if any, instant gratification?

Dear Mentally Exhausted, I know exactly what you speak of -It is so frustrating when food overtakes your mind like a cyclone that makes you so dizzy that you can barley think of anything else. It was not too long ago that I remember all the wasted time and energy that I spent on thinking about what I should eat or shouldn't eat, when, how and what should I consume of all those delectable goodies. Then it dawned on me and I saw the light as they say. Not that I found a cure for the cyclone food monster but I learnt to work on finding out what all this food obsession meant to me. What I have realized is that most of the times when I focus on the food it is a replacement for not dealing with an issue or feeling that is going on in my life, in other words the food is a way to suppress my emotions -be it anger, sadness, overwhelm or even joy-basically I was not feeling and I used food to numb myself. The reason there is no instant gratification is that the feelings are still there and need to be expressed. This is how I began to erase the call of the food in my mind- (which usually led to the refrigerator). Use those food urges or thoughts of food as a tool to ask yourself "What is going on that I am not dealing with at this moment?", "What am I avoiding?". Think of it as a gift to free yourself from suppressed feelings, work on not judging your feelings and allow yourself to experience them. You will feel the focus shift the more you practice feeling. I began with simply noticing when the need or thoughts of food occurred and then I would take a moment with a deep breath and ask myself first if I was truly hungry, if that was true and I needed to fuel myself I would do so, if not I would ask myself "what am I resisting feeling?" or "are my needs being met for myself"?. As soon as you decide to truly honor your feelings and needs without judgment you will be freed of the cyclone in your head. Try this approach and let me know how it works. Namaste, Natalie

Dear Mentally Exhausted, I applaud your efforts and your choice to avoid the seduction of fad diets, pills and powders that offer false promises. Because your weight problem started so early, your history suggests that you may suffer from a low metabolism or burn rate and may have incorrectly blamed yourself all these years for your weight problem. The self-blame is experienced as an obsession with food. Even if you had episodes of binge eating or starvation, your low burn rate was always working against you. Because nobody told you differently, you most likely felt that it was your fault for having no self-control, being weak, lazy and lacking in motivation. As a result, it would be natural for you to develop an abnormal relationship to food as you didn't know whether it was a friend or foe or both. My advice to you is to see your weight problem as a problem with energy management. Like a diabetic, you need to pay more attention to food because you have to eat smarter than most people and spend your calories wisely. With the new technology, you can have your metabolism measured and prove to yourself that you are not the problem. Check my website for sites near you for that testing. Thoughts of food won't consume you if you know the reason for the extra attention is based on your body and not on your self-worth. Some of your attention to food may be necessary because you may have to eat less than others to live healthier. That is not your fault, and you can't expect yourself to like the work that it requires or be totally comfortable with whatever body size is the healthiest for you. Health is the best reason to do what you are doing, and the most positive outcome that you can expect… Sincerely, THE DOCTOR